Monday, March 5, 2007
A loss...and this vague feeling of being alone in millions
Over 28 years on earth, and I've been able to figure out very few useful things. But one is the indisputable fact that you can't sit awake every night, trying to understand why the world inspires you to mourn for it. Is it because no single one among us has the capacity to truly understand everyone on the earth? Is it because we all singly know the path to peace, but together effect only death in the struggle with our own egos? Is it because the assholes in little tippy meter rovers keep mindlessly giving out tickets, or because we hate the society that accepts the price of money and autonomy to justify its very existence at the curb of a street that used to be a quiet meadow
unsullied by the poisons of modern industry?
It isn't because human beings don't know right from wrong that makes war so horrible. Quite to the contrary, it is because they do know-and lie with all their might about it in order to achieve ends which by the very nature of their getting must be rendered hollow..."freedom" at the only cost higher than its true counterpart, life.
I feel often and strongly that I am not wrong to look for solidarity and kindness in other people, that we do all at some level feel our human ties. Lately, I wonder if we can lose those too, just as we lost our connection with the land, with the animals, with the pleasure and joy of life in the real. Life in the abstract measures happiness too: $$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Do you ever experience the disturbing phenomenon of looking out over a sea pf people, and suddenly you feel-nothing-. You make no connections, you have no curiosoty, the very magnitude of the sea before you renders you numb. its all too much. you focus. You focus on your objective, to stay sane, to save time, you tune them out...they all disappear. This makes you feel slightly ashamed, slightly cold, and you wonder with a secret twinge if you are in fact as much of a humanitarian as you think you are-these, and all people in the world, are who you work to save from Global Warming. yet, you look out and feel....nothing. Just as mindless as the thrill poachers feel after killing an endangered animal, like Hummer drivers look at the death count in Iraq with all the emotion of a spider sucking the last drops of blood from a fly.
I am not for the artificial life, not I.
I want to wake up and feel that breath, that pulse of consciousness flowing through the veins of thought, the brightest and best part of me, the part that knows how amazing we are, that we can still find our buried connections with our earth and eachother.
Labels: warm and cold thoughts
Posted by Green Scribe at 11:06 PM
